So I was on Zoloft for about a month and a half. It made me fucking crazy.
Like many other popular SSRIs, Zoloft is known to cause the clinical worsening of mental issues like suicidal thoughts, impassivity, aggression, and mood swings. Unfortunately this happened to me, especially when I first started taking them.
I actually mention it in this post- “Mental Update“, All of my borderline traits worsened and my anxiety was out of control, especially after my ex-roommate Nate stole my klonopins. We almost got kicked out of the apartment and when I found out I made the decision in my mind that if we did I was going to kill myself, because I was NOT starting my life over yet again. I had manic episodes. I also took a shit load of sleeping pills so that I could sleep through the entire day and not think about life (which didn’t work and just ended up wreaking havoc on my nervous system.) The past week, the symptoms subsided a bit, but now I just feel empty and emotionless, I feel disconnected from reality, smothered, and just generally bad. I also started hallucinating again, mostly auditory.
So I am stopping Zoloft this week and starting Lamictal, which is actually an anti-convulsive used to treat mood disorders. On wikipedia it states Borderline Personality Disorder is a common off label use which makes me feel hopeful that it might work. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamotrigine#Other_uses
Unfortunately, it will be a while before it starts working. This is because one of the side effects is a fatal rash that occurs most commonly if you start taking too much at a time, so we have to go up in doses really slowly.
I am getting a caseworker, via a grant, on Wednesday and am hoping to get on Mainecare and disability for the time being. I also start Dialectical behavior therapy on December 3, so Ill be seeing my therapist once a week and going to group therapy once a week. It makes me a little nervous because I don’t play well with others.
So thats my newest bpd/therapy/drug/mental health update.
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Oh, the Rollercoaster of Mental Illnress; I know this very well. The ups and downs of finding the right medications is the hardest. I really hope the Lamictal works! I know many people for whom it does. It didn’t for me , and actually Zoloft does. I cannot begin to understand the chemistry of bi-polar; why one drug cocktail is magic for one and a nightmare for the other. Dialectical Behavior Therapy saved my life. And having a Mental Health Case Worker is crucial to my day-to-day dealings with the system. Hang in there (sometimes we need this cat-poster-wisdom).
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[…] heart broke when this happened. After that I was put on Zoloft, another anti-depressant. I have another whole blog detailing how that ruined my life. I turned into a psychopath. I didnt trust anyone and my mind […]
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